Q8. Conversations, Good and Bad

Question #8. What conversation topics (or venues) have you found to be most productive and least productive? If there is an interaction you have had that stands out as having gone particularly well or poorly, what happened and why?

· Every conversation I have had about racism since about 2015 has been productive because whoever I talk to I am satisfied that they heard me and I have hope that one conversation will help them change their mind/perspective on things. But one topic in particular that comes to mind is how white people view black people in media outlets. We are viewed as threats. We are rarely viewed as beautiful people. For example, one conversation that happened this year was with a white woman over Instagram. It was a black little girl photo, she was beautiful. I commented that she was a Nubian Princess. The woman tried to I guess check me and tell me not to use an outdated term to describe the little girl’s beauty. She later apologized after 50 to 100 comments shortly thereafter from random people (mostly black but a few white women) criticizing her for trying to say such a thing over the internet. Her points were not valid and again she truly did not understand why as a black woman why would I random call a little black girl Nubian Princess. We were princes and princesses before we were slaves…but that’s another conversation she slid in my DM and apologized and we had a culturally competent and informing conversation. I felt like that was a very productive conversation. I just was shocked like how you gone tell me how to define my culture/ my skin/ my race’s beauty? Just imagine what others go through behind the scenes as a models, entertainers and musicians….

· I think conversation topics of "what is white privilege" or "what does black lives matter mean" and especially teaching factual history are always valid and needed. I, myself don't participate in conversations that are centered around preference, I'd rather use my time to discuss discrimination.

· Classrooms are least effective, probably because of the power difference between the instructor and the students. Also, I’ve noticed more zealous students can be pretty hostile and judgmental. The goal of classes on racism and justice tend to be for teaching theories and sociology regarding race. They tend not to be good for individual soul-searching and honest conversation about race. Every single time I’ve heard a professor say they wanted honest and frank questions, I’ve seen myself or others break down in tears from social justice zealots in the class suddenly gathering around them and treating them like the enemy. I’m not exaggerating.

I still get angry when I think about the first time I started getting into racial justice and someone yelled at me and publicly embarrassed me for referring to my friend as African-American rather than Black. That and several similar instances ended up turning me off to anti-racism/racial justice gatherings for years… until now. By the way, my friend was actually from Africa and immigrated to the United states to become an American. They even self-identified as an African-American, rather than Black.

Workshops with smaller groups tend to be more productive, but even then there has to be time spent building mutual trust and respect before talking about sensitive topics. Humanizing one another and making clear this is a time to be honest without shame or judgment is essential. The most helpful time was when I lived in a dormitory and worked with people of color. The late-night conversations with people I had grown to respect and care about were incredibly effective in shifting my thinking in lasting ways.

·  Conversations with my friends and church members have been productive. I haven’t had any conversations that have been unproductive.
·  Reading about history has been the most impactful for me, as well as discussions with close friends. What I typically find least productive are quibbles online, e.g., about who has been most wronged in protests, whether the police or the protestors themselves. I see no possible resolution to discussions like this and, in the end, it just feels like a distraction from the root of the problem.

·   I see [problematic interactions] daily, in medical work. [I see] work to get funding for certain groups of people yet once granted most of the funding it goes elsewhere, so that said community is still without proper resource and funding. Then community members who are in the need of the care or service are turned away due to lack of funding.

· I find the most productive conversations to be about how individuals can take responsibility for learning to Love people, not just eradicate some bias. I find the best venues for these discussion are one-on-one conversations. Speaking about individuals who are oppressed needing to shoulder the burden of responsibility to uplift themselves out of their current situation seems to be the topic that has gone the worst for me, primarily because people think that implies that I think the system is justified, which I do not. I believe this is because people have an erroneous belief that the system is something other than people and that by fixing the rules by which we operate we will solve the problem. I think that makes a lot of sense to people, but I also think that’s a misunderstanding of humanity.

·  All good on racial issues.

·  I think history lessons are good. It also depends on who is willing to listen. Some people who may hold prejudices may be willing to listen to someone they respect. It depends on reaching the right person of influence really.

Don't be scared of hard conversations! As any activist will tell you, it's an important part of the work. Oh and happy Halloween, everyone :)

Or wait no... we're going for scary here...